My Month Condensed

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these posts which used to be My Week Condensed but I haven’t posted in so long that a month is now apt.

1) Everyone  on the train buries their heads in their I-pads and phones, and they are missing life’s quirks.    No one bats an eyelid at the man who gets on my train everyday with a pushchair – minus a baby.   It’s replaced by a carrier bag and an umbrella.   He doesn’t even push the pushchair, he carries it.

He doesn’t look too crazy, he procures some spectacles from his pocket to read the newspaper, he takes care to move his buggy out of people’s way when embarking or disembarking the train.   So why does he lug the pushchair with him everywhere?   I’m convinced it’s just another form of transport, people carry their fold up bikes and scooters on the train so I have visions of him living at the top of a really steep hill and every morning he steps into his buggy and propels himself down the hill to the station.   He carries that buggy around all day just for that one burst of adrenalin in the morning.   I hope he wears a cape too.

2) I spent the weekend at the London Tattoo Convention, originally intending to be tattooed there, but thankfully relieved I didn’t after seeing the victims crammed into tight spaces or sitting uncomfortably on tables being inked.   I thought back to my tattoo where I had a lovely room to myself, laying horizontally in so much comfort that I fell asleep at one point.

My highlight though was not for best tattoo, but for the sheer WTF aspect.

This has special meaning for me since the tattoist responsible for this was from Luxembourg and I was just there a month ago and walked past this very shop and thought I should just get something done, I didn’t and probably just aswell.  Check out what he did – he tattooed geisha’s with vaginal faces, or vageishas if you will.

3)  I’m looking to purchase a property in London, the very reason that has kept me away from blogging.  Although I use the word London very loosely since in the areas afforded to me there isn’t anything remotely ‘Londonish’ about it.  Where are the lady tramps squatting for a wee in full display of the high street?  Where were the symphony of car sirens that usually accompany my evening?  Where are the crackheads leaning against my living room window?

I’ll need to change this blog to Greater London Survival and report instead on the gossip of middle class mothers at the bus stop.  I’m exaggerating, I can’t even afford the nicest part of middle class mumdom.  I’ll be cast on the fringes where mothers wear their hair tightly back stretching their features, where they chain smoke and high fashion is a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, where they queue to drop their baby off at nursery in time for their own attendance at the secondary school next door.

You won’t believe your eyes!  (or your ears if you are blind and someone is reading this post aloud too you) when I divulge how much 500sq feet of property gets you here.  I know you have mudrooms bigger – I’ve seen them on Pinterest.

I’ll  be sure to keep you updated on the dramas of suburbia when the deli runs out of sourdough baguettes and all hell breaks loose.

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Coming soon:  Movember rolls around once more and I have a half finished posts from last year.  A special Movember edition of Downton Shabby